Document With Yellowed Pages

Document With Yellowed Pages

(A yellowed document that seems to have grown quite brittle due to an overly dry environment, written in a cold, stiff hand with almost no variation...) I have no love for Larisa. Though she may own all that I own, and possess Prime Ice artisanry equal to mine. Though she may be my better in ceremonial and etiquette, such that even the previous princess, harshest amongst us, praised her. Though... all amongst our kin love her, believing her to be noble, elegant, and a perfect fit with all that people imagine a Snegurochka to be. She is a Snegovik amongst Snegovik, ever so perfect and impeccable. But I do not like her. ... A Snegovik's love is a sacrifice, a form of voluntary exchange. You open your heart and take all from it, then expect the one you love to take all from his and give it to you. But you, Larisa. The Prime Ice creation skills you have honed, your graceful actions, your gentle words... Does that all exist for the sake of "sacrifice"? In your everyday life, the sharpening of your arts, in the many moments you spent caring for the flowers... Where were you? Where could you be found in them? I asked her about this once. But she was not offended by this question. She simply looked at me with an expression I cannot name, yet one that was almost sad, and said: "Your heart is sealed, Pavlina. The greatest misfortune that could befall one living in this world is to love no one at all." But must I sacrifice all for the person I love? If that is the case, then I would rather not love anyone. The gentle words and sorrowful gaze she turned upon my doubts... all of it angered me. Indeed, I have no love for her. ... "The one who leads the Snegovik must have a complete soul." Such was the instruction of our ancestor, Morevna. And there is but one way for a Snegovik to possess a complete soul, and that is to seek true love. Larisa brought her chosen lover back to Hesperides with her, and when by his side, she reveals such vistas of joy heretofore unseen. Does that really make her so happy? The decision she made in choosing her lover... Did she make it as part of the path our princess must take... ...Or did it come from the heart? Many of our kin praise the man by her side. They say he is a handsome human. That they are a fine match, he and Larisa. But I find him ugly and rude besides. His vulgar behavior is hardly a harmonious pair with her elegance. When they appear together, I cannot help but feel frustrated, even nauseous. Her taste, I suppose, must be terrible. I have never liked those with a poor sense of aesthetics. I suppose that is why I have never liked Larisa. ... That man! He deserves it. He deserves it! He deserved to have his flesh and blood flensed from his bones by blades forged from wind and snow alike! How dare he have second thoughts at this most important of ceremonies! Did he not know that you had sacrificed your life for this, Larsia!? And yet he fled in the midst of the ritual — that cowardly human filth! That rat! That thief! You too, Larisa! You who received no reply, you who were so annoying, you who had terrible taste... You deserved this! But Larisa, oh, Larisa... Were you ever so furious? Ever so sad? Behold the clouds, how they stop for you! Even the thunder has been seized by your desire to set all to rights... If this was the real you, you as you are now, why did you not burst into fury at these ridiculous rules earlier? Why did you not show forth your wrath at this false "love" that we must offer up? Why were you not... enraged at me when I doubted you? Why did your body become so fragile when I raced toward you through the blizzard? Why were the joy and laughter that once graced your face, indeed all of you, so quickly reduced to snow-foam amidst the frigid winds, like tears... ...And when they fell on my face, why were they no colder than a single drop of icy rain? ... Later, I ascended to become the princess of the Snegovik. Strange, I say. Most strange. Should not one who leads us be this so-called complete soul? A truly ancient Snegurochka, one held in high esteem amongst us, looked deeply into my eyes as she held the ceremony and said, "Sometimes, these things also happen." What does she mean, "these things also happen"!? If this throne could be inherited without finding true love... what was Larisa's sacrifice for, then!? How long must our race be bound by these strange rules... I must find it... I must find a way to resolve this. For the sake of my kin, trapped and bound by this absurdity they call "love." For... For Larisa, for whom I held no love.